The Presidential Race Just Got Ten Times More Interesting, or
HEEEWACK! Itís Morning in America Again!
By John Ross
Copyright 2008 by John Ross. Electronic reproduction of this article freely permitted provided it is reproduced in its entirety with attribution given.
Sometimes I just love it when I'm wrong. This is one of those times. I said in my May 8 column that I was terrified of what the Republicans in Congress might sign off on under John McCain. I said, "America needs another Reagan. We're not going to get one this election."
Oh. My. God. The old fighter pilot went into bombardier mode and dropped a 25,000 pound nuclear-tipped bunker buster that obliterated that proclamation with a perfect shack job (WSO lingo for a dead center hit). I haven't felt this excited about America's prospects since Clark Clifford's "amiable dunce" Ronald Reagan got up at the "crack of noon," scanned his daily briefing document (that he insisted be less than a page long), ended both the Carter Malaise and the Cold War, and still had time before dinner to go ride his horse on his ranch.
As the polar opposite of the shrill, women-as-victims, aging feminist harpies that we're used to, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is the new model for Women in Politics. I bet Maureen Dowd has aged twenty years in the last week. Hillary Clinton is probably ready for her straitjacket.
I have never seen this kind of enthusiasm across such a broad range of people around me. It's as if we've been choosing between Spam and possum for dinner every night, and suddenly discovered that Porterhouse steak was available. Even more amusing are the attacks that have started coming from the terrified Socialists around the country. One fellow showed me an email he got that purported to show the tremendous amount of money Governor Palin had "scammed" for... wait for it... travel expenses! I asked him if he knew how big Alaska was, and he said "Not as big as Texas." Errr... NO, Sparky. More than double the size. And with a lot more ice and snow, too...
I said in May that this election reminded me of 1972, where George McGovern lost in 49 states when the electorate realized he wasn't up to running the country. Now that the Democratic Party is realizing they should have done a little more research before anointing Obama the Messiah, and much of the country is galvanized with Sarah Palin as John McCain's running mate, I'm predicting a similar wipeout this November.
Governor Palin, I hear you like to hunt, and I suspect you appreciate high quality guns. I don't know if you ever hunt with a handgun, but if you'd like to, I (along with the Smith & Wesson Performance Center) designed a limited-production gun that I believe is the finest hunting handgun ever made for use on large and dangerous game. It's a .500 Magnum with a 5" barrel and half-lug shroud for great balance, a fast 1:10" rifling twist to stabilize heavy bullets, and a tight cylinder gap for best ballistics. You were born on 2/11, and I'm holding serial numbers JRA0211 and JRC0211 for you. The first is black finish with a satin stainless cylinder, and the second is all satin stainless finish.
They're yours if you want them. I know you probably don't read my blog, but I bet somebody that knows you does, and will get the word to you. Have one of your aides figure out how to get this done without running afoul of McCain-Feingold or whatever. (How's that for irony?) I'll get Rod Herrett to make proper grips to fit your hand (you'll have to FAX him a tracing) and Ken Null to make you a decent crossdaw holster that works great when you're in a vehicle or on an ATV. Get used to the recoil and I bet you can outshoot the Secret Service with it. It's like having control of lightning.
Oh, and one last suggestion: Palin/Jindal in 2012...
John Ross 9/12/2008
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